The horror or Broken Britain continues this week.

First we learn that setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack is becoming ever more common, then we learn that louts are pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals every day.

Among the hardworking Britons to attack louts pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals was Vince Cable who today said Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..