Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of squatting houses left empty by families on holiday has been perpetrated by extremists.

The Mail can reveal that extremists are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Enoch Powell said of the extremists, "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".