The Mail has learned that criminal gangs from Eastern Europe are responsible for drilling for oil in one family's back garden.

Has the world gone mad? Criminal gangs from Eastern Europe are drilling for oil in one family's back garden with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Winston Churchill, speaking through a medium, who said "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts."