Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of smoking skunk in the halls of Parliament has been perpetrated by so-called refugees.

The Mail can reveal that so-called refugees are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police said of the so-called refugees, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".