The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of looting and pillaging supermarkets, all of them involving Guardian-reading do-gooders.

In the glorious days of Nick Clegg, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience looting and pillaging supermarkets, but nowadays thanks to Guardian-reading do-gooders looting and pillaging supermarkets is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..