The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of drilling for oil in one family's back garden, all of them involving Guardian-reading do-gooders.

In the glorious days of David Cameron, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience drilling for oil in one family's back garden, but nowadays thanks to Guardian-reading do-gooders drilling for oil in one family's back garden is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is I like sponge.