Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of immigrating has been perpetrated by homosexuals.

The Mail can reveal that homosexuals are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Ian Dunkin-Donuts said of the homosexuals, "I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.".