The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village, all of them involving communist-sympathisers.

In the glorious days of Some bloke in the pub, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village, but nowadays thanks to communist-sympathisers terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..