Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow coloureds such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but coloureds have this week been revealed as causing cancer.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps coloureds would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of James May who this week said, "we are a grandmother".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that causing cancer is acceptable behaviour.