The Mail has learned that cyber criminals are responsible for eating babies.

Has the world gone mad? Cyber criminals are eating babies with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to David Cameron, who said "Hoorah for the blackshirts!"