The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of eating babies, all of them involving yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps.

In the glorious days of The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience eating babies, but nowadays thanks to yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps eating babies is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is These dole-scrounging n’er-do-wells must be eliminated at all costs..