Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of terrorising innocent investment bankers has been perpetrated by followers of Hugo Chavez.

The Mail can reveal that followers of Hugo Chavez are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Pope said of the followers of Hugo Chavez, "the day of the yob is upon us".