Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of plotting to kidnap a senior royal has been perpetrated by cyberterrorists.

The Mail can reveal that cyberterrorists are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Nicolas Sarkozy said of the cyberterrorists, "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s.".