The Mail has learned that lesbians are responsible for listening to loud music.

Has the world gone mad? Lesbians are listening to loud music with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Winston Churchill, speaking through a medium, who said "we are coming slowly, painfully to an autumn of understanding, I hope it will be followed by a winter of common sense."