Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by has been perpetrated by louts.

The Mail can reveal that louts are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Norris McWhirter, speaking posthumously said of the louts, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".