Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by has been perpetrated by Twitter users.

The Mail can reveal that Twitter users are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Ian Dunkin-Donuts said of the Twitter users, "arbeit macht frei".