Now children are openly being encouraged to flout the laws of morality and the land. Bleeding heart liberals have been causing obesity outside nursery schools.

Terror expert John Major has analysed the phenomenon in a new book which we certainly aren’t plugging although it is available from our bookshop for just £7.99; a fantastic 1.7% discount.

In "Causing obesity: The True Face Of Evil", John Major says, "surely something can be done?".

A decent "Big Society" that cared about children would bring back hanging for bleeding heart liberals. After the hanging the still twitching bodies would be deported to somewhere tropical and foreign.