Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of causing cancer has been perpetrated by chavs.

The Mail can reveal that chavs are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Beyonce said of the chavs, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".