The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of causing obesity, all of them involving teachers indoctrinated with sixties liberal values.

In the glorious days of Boris Johnson, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience causing obesity, but nowadays thanks to teachers indoctrinated with sixties liberal values causing obesity is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..