Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of setting fire to libraries has been perpetrated by gypsies.

The Mail can reveal that gypsies are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Some bloke in the pub said of the gypsies, "new Age travellers? Not in this age. Not in any age. Let others speak for these New Age travellers. We will speak for their victims.".