Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of being foreign and suspicious looking has been perpetrated by youths.

The Mail can reveal that youths are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

A hardworking family said of the youths, "Waterboarding is not torture".