Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of selling drugs to schoolchildren for fun has been perpetrated by Eastern European terror gangs.

The Mail can reveal that Eastern European terror gangs are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Queen said of the Eastern European terror gangs, "was it for this politically correct insanity that I fought and died in eight world wars? I think not!".