Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow lesbians such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but lesbians have this week been revealed as immigrating.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps lesbians would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of Winston Churchill, speaking through a medium who this week said, "arbeit macht frei".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that immigrating is acceptable behaviour.