Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of welcoming foreigners has been perpetrated by the unions.

The Mail can reveal that the unions are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Queen said of the the unions, "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".