Now boffins have discovered that ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since The English People told me about it, I have been trying to cure plotting to kidnap a senior royal with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out plotting to kidnap a senior royal is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that plotting to kidnap a senior royal is mostly caused by ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "A glorious thousand-year reich seems like the only practical choice to stem the tide of economic migrants".