Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of terrorising innocent investment bankers has been perpetrated by women.

The Mail can reveal that women are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Mr I.P.Freely of Tunbridge Wells said of the women, "was it for this politically correct insanity that I fought and died in eight world wars? I think not!".