The Mail has learned that the politically correct Islington lefties are responsible for listening to loud music.

Has the world gone mad? The politically correct Islington lefties are listening to loud music with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to David Cameron, who said "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."