The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of burning policemen at the stake, all of them involving lesbians.

In the glorious days of Conservative head office, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience burning policemen at the stake, but nowadays thanks to lesbians burning policemen at the stake is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..