Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of reading the works of Karl Marx has been perpetrated by anarchists.

The Mail can reveal that anarchists are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Vince Cable said of the anarchists, "a glorious thousand-year reich seems like the only practical choice to stem the tide of economic migrants".