Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of drilling for oil in one family's back garden has been perpetrated by homosexuals.

The Mail can reveal that homosexuals are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Winston Churchill, speaking through a medium said of the homosexuals, "we are coming slowly, painfully to an autumn of understanding, I hope it will be followed by a winter of common sense.".