Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of selling drugs to schoolchildren for fun has been perpetrated by Jeremy Corbyn-admiring lefty scum.

The Mail can reveal that Jeremy Corbyn-admiring lefty scum are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Anne Widdecombe said of the Jeremy Corbyn-admiring lefty scum, "surely something can be done?".