The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks, all of them involving asylum seekers.

In the glorious days of Boris Johnson, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks, but nowadays thanks to asylum seekers threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..