The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village, all of them involving Cherie Blair’s friends.

In the glorious days of Margaret Thatcher, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village, but nowadays thanks to Cherie Blair’s friends terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..