Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of immigrating has been perpetrated by gangs of children, some still in their prams.

The Mail can reveal that gangs of children, some still in their prams are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Vince Cable said of the gangs of children, some still in their prams, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".