The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of drilling for oil in one family's back garden, all of them involving gypsies.

In the glorious days of Michael Howerd, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience drilling for oil in one family's back garden, but nowadays thanks to gypsies drilling for oil in one family's back garden is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman..