Now boffins have discovered that ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Winston Churchill, speaking through a medium told me about it, I have been trying to cure burning policemen at the stake with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out burning policemen at the stake is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that burning policemen at the stake is mostly caused by ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "We need a lot less of the passive tolerance of recent years and much more active, muscular liberalism. Especially for the blacks.".