The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of binge drinking, all of them involving hoody-wearing layabouts.

In the glorious days of The English People, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience binge drinking, but nowadays thanks to hoody-wearing layabouts binge drinking is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..