Now boffins have discovered that lesbians can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Nick Clegg told me about it, I have been trying to cure binge drinking on council estates with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out binge drinking on council estates is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that binge drinking on council estates is mostly caused by lesbians, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing lesbians to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "The day of the yob is upon us".