Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of destabilising the British way of life has been perpetrated by women.

The Mail can reveal that women are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Norman Tebbit said of the women, "the day of the yob is upon us".