Now boffins have discovered that gangs of children, some still in their prams can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Jonathan Aitkin told me about it, I have been trying to cure terrorising innocent investment bankers with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out terrorising innocent investment bankers is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that terrorising innocent investment bankers is mostly caused by gangs of children, some still in their prams, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing gangs of children, some still in their prams to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".