Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists has been perpetrated by young muslim men.

The Mail can reveal that young muslim men are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police said of the young muslim men, "we are coming slowly, painfully to an autumn of understanding, I hope it will be followed by a winter of common sense.".