The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of listening to loud music, all of them involving hooligans.

In the glorious days of Norman Tebbit, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience listening to loud music, but nowadays thanks to hooligans listening to loud music is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood..