Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of defacing statues in Trafalgar Square has been perpetrated by Cherie Blair’s friends.

The Mail can reveal that Cherie Blair’s friends are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Lala from the teletubbies said of the Cherie Blair’s friends, "I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.".