Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of being foreign and suspicious looking has been perpetrated by thugs.

The Mail can reveal that thugs are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Jenkin said of the thugs, "But many of the unemployeds had become static and didn’t know that if they got on a bus for an hour’s journey, they’d be in Cardiff and could look for the jobs there.".