Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack has been perpetrated by Twitter users.

The Mail can reveal that Twitter users are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Beyonce said of the Twitter users, "read my lips; no new taxes".