The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of defacing statues in Trafalgar Square, all of them involving miners, bent on revenge.

In the glorious days of Paul Dacre, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience defacing statues in Trafalgar Square, but nowadays thanks to miners, bent on revenge defacing statues in Trafalgar Square is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..