Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of urinating on the Union Jack has been perpetrated by coloureds.

The Mail can reveal that coloureds are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Theresa May said of the coloureds, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".