Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of training in Al-Quaeda terror camps has been perpetrated by paedophiles.

The Mail can reveal that paedophiles are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Michael Howerd said of the paedophiles, "these dole-scrounging n’er-do-wells must be eliminated at all costs.".