The Mail has learned that hoody-wearing layabouts are responsible for terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village.

Has the world gone mad? Hoody-wearing layabouts are terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Conservative head office, who said "a glorious thousand-year reich seems like the only practical choice to stem the tide of economic migrants"