Conservative head office has today said "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".

Speaking at Alton Towers Conservative head office’s comments come in a week that has seen cyberterrorists involved in smashing up images of our queen of hearts, Lady Diana herself on an ever more frequent basis.

Conservative head office’s comments are both brave and perceptive. In a country where children as young as five are regularly exposed to cyberterrorists it is about time that someone had the guts to stand up and tell the truth. Cyberterrorists and the liberal communist atheist society that spawns them must be eliminated.